In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.
Diego marchi
As I reflect on the quote above, wondering who this wise Diego Marchi is, I picture an ancient Italian philosopher like Galileo, sitting at his desk, contemplating the weight of cannonballs. But no. What little information I could find on this mysterious person, whose quote is often printed on motivational posters, seems to only come up as spoken by a young Italian software developer. Who knew? If this young man is, in fact, the author of this quote, then my faith in the future of humanity is restored!
No matter who actually uttered these wise words, I would not call the statement motivational, but instead a certainty of comfort in a lonely world. We all carry our past with us throughout the day; regrets of deeds that cannot be undone, our fantasy lifestyle that has not materialized, and the one true love that got away. The unspeakable secret, however, is another story.
It’s one thing to finally confess that you stole something and got away with it or cheated on your girlfriend. While both take enormous courage to fess up to, that which is considered unspeakable, carries our deepest, darkest fears with us to the pit of hell. I’m talking about secrets such as sexual abuse, incest, harm we caused another person that we haven’t owned up to, or witnessing a horror that no one knows you saw. It’s these situations that we repress so deeply that we may not even acknowledge them consciously for many years.
It’s these situations that we repress so deeply that we may not even acknowledge them consciously for many years.
We must find a way to give voice to our secrets. Even if it is sent out to the Universe as a prayer or bearing witness to our own soul in front of the mirror. We must get the energy out of the body. Yeah, I know. It’s easy to say but actually doing it can bring on life-changing repercussions. We can’t control how others will react to the revelation of our deepest secrets. It could result in anything from family devastation, to the end of a friendship, or even possible legal proceedings. When I was in college, a friend talked about how she had confronted her molester, her uncle, at the Thanksgiving dinner table. She described her family’s reaction and how it piled on to her already traumatized psyche. The accused uncle stormed out in a rage, her parents yelled at her for ruining the holiday, and other family members accused her of bringing shame to the family.
Absolutely, there can be a big price to pay for speaking your truth. But the real truth is, you are already paying a pretty steep price by holding it in. I believe, as Louise Hay said, the energetic impact of trauma will manifest as physical ailments sooner or later if we don’t release it. During my phone sessions with clients, I often intuitively see repressed emotions in the person’s energy field. Grief hangs around the body like gray clouds. Rage appears like fiery bricks piled up around the abdomen. The energy of shame, typically from sexual molestation and abuse, looks like a black hole in the navel area.
One way or another, these repressed emotions need to get out of the body before they manifest physically. Even if you are already experiencing physical issues that you believe stem from repressed emotional trauma, it’s not too late to help the energy move on and out of your body. This can be done in conjunction with traditional medicine so see your doctor for treatment.
Here are some ways to speak your truth and honor your experience. These are not one-and-done practices that you can do in an afternoon and rid yourself of the trauma. They can be helpful reminders to acknowledge consciously what your body may be telling you about the pain it carries. Your body’s relief each step of the way will encourage you to keep peeling back the layers, little by little, until your energy flows through your auric field like a superhighway.
Speak Your Truth and Honor Your Experience
Speak. Write. Scream. Do whatever you have to do to get the energy out of your body. Practice giving your secret a voice in a way that is comfortable but also pushes you to the edge of your comfort zone. Simply talking to the mirror is a good start, but to free yourself, you must surrender to the process. Let out everything you want and need to say. Whether you do it verbally, through writing, or pounding the pillow, don’t hold back.
Stop apologizing. What’s done is done. More than likely, there are two sides to the story so take responsibility for your part of it and leave the rest to the other person(s) to deal with on their own. You are not responsible for another’s healing journey. Even if you are clearly the victim in the situation, be aware of thoughts that creep into your mind like, How could I have been so blind? What could I have done to prevent what happened? Why didn’t I do this or that… you get the idea. The fact is, may victims blame themselves for putting themselves in the situation. Forgive yourself and move on. You did the best you could with the information you had at the time.
Look fear in the face. We do so much to quell our fears, from inviting distractions to keep our mind occupied, to addictive behavior. Fear will not simply go away on its own. You can address fear either head-on or by taking baby steps to overcome it. Either way, just acknowledging and naming your fear with take away its power.
Send shame packing. Shame must be addressed in the moment as it arises in your mind but it is usually hiding behind fear and rage. Some people believe that you can’t get rid of shame. It’s always there and you just have to take it for what it is and distract yourself from shameful thoughts. I believe that shame can be transmuted (to change in form) into wisdom and result in freedom. By looking at the situation from a higher perspective, you can gain insights that you may not have seen before. As you replay the event in your mind, imagine that you can float above the room and actually see it from a higher perspective. This can help you acknowledge all the little things that may have led up to the event that were out of your control anyway.
Finally, allow your body to “let down” after you have peeled away another layer of the falsehood that was hiding your truth. Your body has been holding the energy for years, or decades, and has spent a lot of energy keeping it in. Your body will need to rest. Give yourself lots of self-care and then celebrate! You have let go of an enormous weight on your shoulders.
Feel the freedom and rejoice!
Leah M. Hill
